When I am Alone in My Room With The Big Leather Chair

When I am alone in my room with the big leather chair, my feet propped up on an ottoman,  I don't have to smile and pretend that I am okay.
When I am alone in my room with my old white painted desk, I can sit and stare at the odd shapes of the  smudges on the faded yellow walls.
When I am alone in my room studying the old framed print of a beautiful ballerina, I can let my mind meander and wander.
When I am alone in my room I can look at the photo of the ducks on my porch and reminisce about how things were so different the day that picture was taken.
When I am alone in my room, I somehow find comfort in the worn vintage Vera Bradley knitting bag filled with red, white and green yarn.
When I am alone in my room I can tune out the noise of the world around me and the constant chatter of my mind as I plug into an audible.com book and fall asleep while the narrator hypnotically drones on.
When I am alone in my room I can knit and purl and purl and knit, making sure I count each stitch.
When I am alone in my room, there are no reminders of christmas, because no decorations need adorn my room.
When I am alone in my room I can let the tears flow as I remember the feel of the hug from the nice lady at curves while she sadly tells me to try to have a merry christmas "the best that you can".
When I am alone in my room I know that soon I won't be alone, because Rico always comes to find me, perhaps to make sure I am okay.
When I am alone in my room I can feel the warm sun light as it brightens the room and gives life to the delicate plant on the rickety table next to my chair.
When I am alone in my room I don't have to feel light and bright if I am not in the mood.
When I am alone in my room I don't have to make conversation or oh and ahh at the appropriate times.
When I am alone in my room I can cry softly or sob loudly.
When I am alone in my room I can imagine Joe playing on the floor with Domani the last and final time they came to visit.
When I am alone in my room I can feel my mother's love, because this is the room in which she spent her last days, the half finished scarf she was knitting next to her, as she fell asleep for the last and final time.