At the start of the journey we huddle and cling to each other afraid to let go. In the beginning we don't know how we will ever find our way through the darkness without the torch light of comfort that we pass back and forth. But somehow, somewhere along the way, we begin to part and separate. We discover we have our own compasses which take us in different directions and lead us along individual paths toward our personal retreats.
At times our paths cross. Then, though, we don't burden each other with stories of our stormy voyage, but speak instead of the fine weather we are now having.
We have been traveling now for eight months. My bags are still packed with pain. Although, the slide show of last memories are not always on the continuos loop they once were, the load I carry has not been lightened by time as "they" promised it would.
I slowly shake my head back and forth like a child saying no-no, as if somehow that will make the painful memory of December 5 disappear. For how could it be anything but a bad dream?
I miss my Joey.
I have created a page for Anna's Diary. It can be found under the Tab titled Anna's Diary.
I have posted all of the entries to date there, starting with January 1, 1929.
Here are the past few days entries from Anna's diary:
Friday August 2, 1929
Here at Farm until about two. Left for home and arrived safe and no trouble. Junior very tired. Home and to bed very early. Felt upset from yesterday's terrible in mud.
Sat. August 3, 1929
Home. Cleaned house good. Jean home at 1;30. Had lunch. Took a nap. Then to 360 for a while. Went to Mosque to see "Dolores Costello in "Madonna of Avenue A"
Sun. August 4, 1929
Mass at St. Michaels. Went to see grandma M. Grandpa there too and had a long talk about his days of youth. Stayed until nine and then home.
Mon. August 5, 1929
Went down town to get prices on radio sets as Father is interested in buying one to give Mother. Told him about a special in Bambs [Bamberger's department store] and going down tomorrow to buy it.
We will always miss Joey. Just because we don't always see or shed tears, doesn't mean that there isn't an ocean of them in our hearts.
ReplyDelete"They" probably mean well and frequently use the term, "Research indicates that grief should last..." You know that they have no idea of what you are experiencing, just as I do not. I always wonder at the timing that brought me to your blog-site, in the opening days of my venturing out into the world, at the same time as your voyage began. I would imagine that no one would begrudge your missing of Joey. You are writing, getting out and taking pictures, finding some solace in the support of Ross and others, and making do. That's what one does, and you appear to be doing it as well as possible. By sharing your journey, you allow others with sons and daughters, to put hard times into perspective. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteMark,
ReplyDeleteThank you. I appreciate, probably more than you can imagine, the support you have shown me since our journey began. Although I may not comment very often on your pieces, I want you to know that I am here following you as you also navigate through some troubled waters. I believe the pieces you have written regarding MSD :) are courageous. I'm sure they provide support for those who share such a diagnosis. But perhaps more importantly they provide an insight to those of us who were not knowledgable about it, allowing us to be more compassionate and understanding.
Oh dear Lynda. I will try not to mislead you on your journey. Someone once told me that "you learn to live with it". And after 10 years, I agree. I was angry with those who told me "time would heal". I didn't want to heal. I wanted my Jessie back. It does get a little easier, as you "learn to live with it", like the reduction in the slide show you discribed. But it's still so painful. I'm so, so, sorry. The only thing that gives me real comfort is the one of my faith, and my belief that I will see him again.
ReplyDeleteOh dear Lynda. I will try not to mislead you on your journey. Someone once told me that "you learn to live with it". And after 10 years, I agree. I was angry with those who told me "time would heal". I didn't want to heal. I wanted my Jessie back. It does get a little easier, as you "learn to live with it", like the reduction in the slide show you discribed. But it's still so painful. I'm so, so, sorry. The only thing that gives me real comfort is the one of my faith, and my belief that I will see him again.
ReplyDeleteOh dear Lynda. I will try not to mislead you on your journey. Someone once told me that "you learn to live with it". And after 10 years, I agree. I was angry with those who told me "time would heal". I didn't want to heal. I wanted my Jessie back. It does get a little easier, as you "learn to live with it", like the reduction in the slide show you discribed. But it's still so painful. I'm so, so, sorry. The only thing that gives me real comfort is the one of my faith, and my belief that I will see him again.
ReplyDeleteOh dear Lynda. I will try not to mislead you on your journey. Someone once told me that "you learn to live with it". And after 10 years, I agree. I was angry with those who told me "time would heal". I didn't want to heal. I wanted my Jessie back. It does get a little easier, as you "learn to live with it", like the reduction in the slide show you discribed. But it's still so painful. I'm so, so, sorry. The only thing that gives me real comfort is the one of my faith, and my belief that I will see him again.
ReplyDeleteOh dear Lynda. I will try not to mislead you on your journey. Someone once told me that "you learn to live with it". And after 10 years, I agree. I was angry with those who told me "time would heal". I didn't want to heal. I wanted my Jessie back. It does get a little easier, as you "learn to live with it", like the reduction in the slide show you discribed. But it's still so painful. I'm so, so, sorry. The only thing that gives me real comfort is the one of my faith, and my belief that I will see him again.
ReplyDeleteIt means so much to be able to communicate with someone who has been where I am now. That's exactly how I feel about the phrase "time would heal". To me it has such a negative connotation. As if Joe left behind a wound. And for right now, no, I don't want to "heal", as you said, I just want my Joey back.
ReplyDeleteAs always thank you for your support. Your words provide comfort that perhaps others just cannot.