Is Christmas Twenty-Thirteen Already Just A Memory?

Christmas Time 2013

For The Record
Part I

Along with many other people, it is also a tough time of the year for me.  Actually, for the past few years I have not felt like doing anything Christmassy.
When I think back to the Christmas after Joe died, which was just 20 days after he passed, I cannot imagine how I managed to get through it that year.  I am sure I was very much in a zombie like state of shock.
Today, I re-read the 2011 and 2012 blogs that I wrote around this same time of the year.
As I was reading those posts, I realized how much I miss writing and want to get back into doing it more frequently.
When I began writing this post, I was going to mention how much I did not feel like putting up a tree or doing any kind of decorating this year.  When I referred back to those past two christmas-time posts, I found that I said the exact same thing each one of those years.
Even though Joe’s passing was more recent in 2011 and 2012,  I was still able to motivate myself to decorate for the holidays.  As I would start to go through the ornaments, I would find myself getting nostalgic and sentimental recalling what was special to me about each one.
This year I was much more adamant about not doing any decorating.  No one was planning on visiting.  I wasn’t in the mood.  I was not going to do it!
Then one day I got a phone call from Bella.  She wanted to know if we could get together during her holiday break for a special sleep over.  So, for that reason, I dug out the decorations and I put up the tree.
But it really was different this year.  I was sadder.   Perhaps I have finally begun to feel again.
As I unboxed and unwrapped each of the ornaments, they seemed to no longer hold the same connections for me.
I did most of my shopping online.  Usually I would do it first thing in the morning, with a mug of tea and a cozy warm laptop.   I find if you get there early, you usually beat the crowds. :)
I also find it is less depressing if you do not have to encounter the group of tired, grouchy and stressed out, shoppers who trudge through the malls.
For the third year in a row I did not send out Christmas cards.  I guess I am slowly being dropped from other people’s lists because we are also receiving less and less cards.
This year, just like in 2011, the cards we did receive were interspersed with sympathy cards expressing condolences for the loss of my brother.

I made several knitting presents.   It’s what kept me on a somewhat even keel.  Unlike shopping online for merchandise, I prefer to do my yarn shopping in my favorite local shop, WoolBearers.  My senses are aroused as soon as I enter the shop.  First, the sight of bursts and shades of color awaken my imagination.  Next is the therapeutic and calming touch, squeeze and caress of each and every hank of fiber.
While in the shop I discovered “Hollywood” by Cascade.  It has just a hint of sparkle and it is 87% Superwash wool.
I made a few really pretty headbands and scarves with that yarn.

Well, so,  I sparsely decorated my very realistic looking, white, almost origami-like Christmas tree, arranged a festive garland on my mantle and hung a wreath on my front door.
I finished all of my shopping, knitting and wrapping with days to spare.  And I managed to do it all with only one meltdown and a much needed good cry.





Part II tomorrow.