If You Knew Joe

So, I’m thinking about what I have to do to get ready for my podcast today.
In case you are new to my blog, let me explain.  For the past six months, I have been doing a YouTube video podcast.   The main topics of the podcast are about knitting.
But, the name of my podcast is “Joey’s Scarf” in honor of my son, Joe, who passed away from colon cancer.
At the end of each podcast I take a few minutes to talk about Joe.  During the last few episodes I have even read some of my writings from this blog.
My objective with the “Joey” segment was to introduce the viewers of the podcast to Joe and quite frankly, also give me a forum to just be able talk about my Joe.
For the past six years readers of this blog and for the past six months viewers of my podcast have gotten to know Joe.
You know of his gentleness, his uniqueness, his deeply quiet and thoughtful personality.  You know that he loved all kinds of music, but in particular off the rails indie bands.
I’ve shared that he played the guitar, which he did, not usually for an audience, but strictly for the love of his music.
You all know that he was a loyal Mets fan, even during their darkest hours.
I’ve talked about how his work ethic made him a most valued employee and that he, his sister and I all worked together at the same company.
I talked about his love story, marriage, and birth of his most cherished little boy.
You know how much of a fighter he was.  How he fought so hard to stay here as long as he possibly could for Anne, the long love of his life and for his little baby boy, Domani the newest love of his life.
How, when he told us that even though his treatment wasn’t working anymore and he would be discontinuing the chemo, he held my hand while I cried and told me, “I still have more time.”
Yes, I’ve shared times of his life from the moment of his birth to the last days of his life.
I still may, from time to time talk about Joe.   And if I am having a sad day, I might share that with you, too.
I think I will continue to share my writings at the end of the podcast, but perhaps they will be on varied topics, I might even share some of my fiction because like my love of knitting, writing has helped me  through a most difficult time.
Most importantly, I know that if you knew Joe personally, you would have liked him.
And now you do, know Joe, quite personally.
So my Joe is now our Joe and that makes me smile.

Dream On

I’ve been spending most of my spare time throughly engaged in my obsession.   Which for those of you who don’t know, is knitting, crocheting and buying yarn.
I have recently carried my obsession to a new level by starring in my own show on YouTube where I talk about what I have knitted or crocheted, (commonly known as a finished object or FO) what I am in the process of knitting or crocheting (this is referred to as a “work in progress or WIP) what new yarns I’ve purchased (or acquisitions) and what my plans are for this new yarn (future projects).
I could try to describe the feeling I get when I am among mesmerizing hues and shades of  soft squishy yarn that I cannot stop myself from petting, smelling, and finally totally immerse my fingers into.
I could go on and on about how yarn, knitting and crochet helps me deal with life things, how it satisfies, in the most gratifying way, a need to be creative and how when I have a FO to show off or give away, I visit a zen place that is equal to the “mountain top”.
I am not alone in my obsession.  There are many internet based groups available where literally millions of us gather to discuss all of it.
For those of you who are not obsessed, I hear you yawning, loud and clear.
I completely understand that if you are not part of the movement, you probably have stopped reading or perhaps you’ve skimmed through the “boring knitting/crochet/yarn” stuff.
The sad thing about my obsession, though, is that I have stopped writing.  I miss writing.  I miss it because I know it can also bring about a zen “mountain top" experience but perhaps in a different way.
When I write, I figure things out.   I go to places I would normally unconsciously avoid.  I create characters that are at times vaguely familiar, yet often obviously recognizable.
I miss playing with words and phrases.
I have gotten lazy and I feel my imagination is atrophying.
When I knit, I can multitask.  The repetitive motion is soothing, and I can mindlessly watch TV or listen to a book.
When I write I need to be still and quiet.  And even though there may be puppy and hubby distractions, I find I can completely immerse way down deep into an inner world of unexplored terrains.
I recently passed what I consider to be a milestone in life years.  It’s cliche to say, “It’s only a number.”  My body often reminds me that it’s the many minutes, days, weeks, months and yes, especially years stacking one on top of the other which define the strength and stability of that number.
It’s a number that makes me stop and wonder if there is enough time to continue to work on the stories I’ve started (WIP’s), finish the series (FO’s), and plan for future stories.
The thing that ties both of my obsessions together is belief that I will have given the best parts of me to those I most treasure.

For some reason this Aerosmith Song kept playing in my head while I was writing this piece.

Dream on.
Dream On Lyrics by Aerosmith